Notes to Butch Houseguests

This is not only directed to butches; bois, boys, genderqueers, undefinable entities take note as well. When you are a guest in the home of a bunch of femmes, do not engage in ANY of the following behaviors:

1. asking the roommate of the friend you're staying with to launder your smoky, stankass aweatshirt because she happens to be doing laundry and you are really in a run and have nothing else to wear on the plane. Get yourself some goddamn quarters and do it yourself.

2. grinning and nodding and rolling your eyes in commiseration with your friend's light skinned housemate because you've assumed that she is white like you. that's just tacky.

3. DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES hold up a hand and make a run for it into the bathroom when you see the rommate of your femme girlfriend in her towel heading for the bathroom, thus making her late for work because you took up fifteen precious minutes and then proceeded to languish your monkey ass around the house even as the now late for work roommate hustled to get out of the door.

Again, please do not model the above behaviors, and to all of the referenced, badly behaved butches/bois/ and so forths: fuck you very much.

So It Only Lasted Six Weeks but What the Hell was I Thinking? Reading a Life Online Post Break Up

This entry was removed by me, the Spinster (who is actually now the Femmester) on 3/28/06. Why this act of self-censorship? Because the ex in this story recently contacted me to make amends (as in one of the steps of the famous 12) and it felt ugly and wrong to leave up a story poking at the very things he is trying to change.

Ms Galette Loses Her Religion

and lets it all come tumbling down

Here are some things I have learned from some recent adventures in Bootyland.

1) I will never again date, fuck, or otherwise be involved, associated, or implicated with people of color who are simultaneously dating or enamored of undernourished white girls. Or worse, asian-philic or people of color-philic, tropicalizing, undernourished white girls who have lived in Asia for the past two years. Really. It’s insulting.

(Note: We all have white people we love in our lives, including me. This is not about hating white people. This is about a very specific dynamic that occurs in these sorts of circumstances the effects of which I am currently feeling.)


2) I will never again date, fuck, or otherwise be involved, associated, or implicated with people of color who simultaneously date or are enamored of undernourished white girls. Or worse, asian-philic or people of color-philic, tropicalizing, undernourished white girls who have lived in Asia for the past two years. Especially when the date, fuck, or cohort happens to be cowardly and instead of taking responsibility for irresponsible behavior and responding to one’s feelings in light of said irresponsible behavior, aloofly proclaims “I can’t give you what you need” and “I’m not there with you” hence proceeding to make assumptions of one’s needs and….. location?

(Note: For the record what did I need? Friendship, trust, respect, hot sex. Is that too much to ask of your bedfellow? Apparently. Or perhaps the needs of undernourished white girls are easier to fulfill. Especially asian-philic or people of color-philic, tropicalizing, undernourished white girls who have lived in Asia for the past two years.)


3) I will especially not engage in torrid bouts of phone sex after breaking up with said date, fuck or cohort, as torrid bouts of phone sex after such shameless acts of assholery and stupid behavior can often result in feelings of manipulation, being used, and feeling terribly unimportant, uncared for and unwanted. Especially when the date, fuck, or cohort is simultaneously dating or enamored of undernourished white girls. Or worse, asian-philic or people of color-philic, tropicalizing, undernourished white girls who have lived in Asia for the past two years.


My homegirlsandbois are right. Honey dust and a new french manicure on my newly grown out nails does conquer all. And that there are people all across the country and heck, prolly all around the world who love and adore me to pieces. And that it takes bravery and courage to love. Bravery and courage being something that this ex-date, fuck and cohort seriously lacked.

Onward. Forward. Prance. Dance.

To: Butches Everywhere

Pleated pants: bad.

Pleated pants belted high above your waist: atrocious.

Please: stop.

Can you hear me now?

Dear Wet Noodle,

1) When you fuck a girl and don't call but then suggest a date when the girl calls you a couple of days later and then you travel to a little cabin in the woods "out of cell phone range" because of an "emergency" and flake on the date it is better to call a few days after this unfortunate incident rather than waiting, oh, over two weeks before sending a feeble email.

2) When you fuck a girl and don't call but then suggest a date when the girls calls you a couple of days later and then you travel to a little cabin in the woods "out of cell phone range" because of an "emergency" and flake on the date it is best when running into said girl a few months later NOT to start your conversation by requesting a rather difficult professional favor of the girl and never even inquire as to the girl's well being even though she has graciously asked questions about yours.

3) When you fuck a girl and don't call but then suggest a date when the girl calls you a couple of days later and then you travel to a little cabin in the woods "out of cell phone range" because of an "emergency" and flake on the date it is best when the girl does a professional favor for you despite your bad manners to not wait nearly a month to send a half-assed and unhelpful reply to a very simple favor the girl then asks of you on behalf of queer youth.

4) When you fuck a girl and don't call but then suggest a date when the girl calls you a couple of days later and then you travel to a little cabin in the woods "out of cell phone range" because of an "emergency" and flake on the date and then the girl learns that you did this to yet another girl perhaps it is time to do some self-reflection when you are in your little cabin in the woods "out of cell phone range."

All my best (because you wished me "all my best"),
Spinster

PS - Brown and gray do not look good together; vests are appallingly dorky; please wear your trousers lower; and get a blazer that actually fits around your shoulders.

Mexicans Look Good in Their Birthday Suits

Yes, there is lots to say about the Femme Conference, but for fuck's sakes, there are other things to talk about, one exciting thing being ..... the birthday of Ms Femmemari.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUGAR!!! (or should I say Senora, hee hee)

Here are some things that I love about Femmemari

Femmemari is a splendid shopping companion. We’re bad for each other’s purses, but have together deduced that there are SO many things that look splendid on Mexicans – leopard print, red sateen booty hugging pants, pink taffeta ice capades princess gear, etc, etc, etc. And Mexicans would look good in those sexy red Louis Vuitton gathered pumps that we both fell in love with last fall too.

Femmari is just radiant, gorgeous, and has a wonderful fashion aesthetic. This girl works it in such fierce get-ups. My favorites? The outfit Femmemari graced the Repro Rights conference with – little dress, patterned and seamed fishnet stockings, mary janes, the hello kitty bag we both have. And then, of course there are those fuschia snakeskin boots. Meow!!!

And she is a big sweetie pie, always good at listening to crises and offering her support and perspectives.

And lastly, Femmemari, you are one awesomely bad ass bosom grappler. I think you should have a lasso in fact, or specialized equipment, specific for this purpose and to aid you in your quests. And I also regret that I was not in your presence on your special day, and hence could not offer up my bosom for you to poke, grope and fondle to your little heart’s content.

I have loved all the adventures, secrets, comadre-hood and meals we’ve shared and hope there are many more in the years to come.

xoxoxo

Bad News About the Femme Conference

and the silver lining?

So basically some people quit the organizing/planning team, there are a number of disputes about there the money's going, about racism, sexism and so forth, and even a bunch of people saying that it isn't, in fact, a femme conference, it's a conference about how femininity is queered. or whatever. Perhaps this answers some of the lack of relevant workshops--well, relevant to me, and most of the folks I know, and how life is generally lived by many femme identified people. but hell, it's the first effort of its kind and I have already purchased a plane ticket. There are alternative events being planned and posted at Camp F and hopefully it'll be fun. AND it's free.

Great News About the Femme Conference

My new roommate was telling me about this really dope conference she wants to go to in Seatlle that some queer women of color she knows are working on. Turns out it's the same conference! That makes me, and U am sure everyone here, breathe a little easier.